Pizza...

Pizza and I have had a long and elaborate history together, most of the time ending badly. Tonight, we battled yet again, and I am sad and humbled to say, I lost. I'll let you, dear reader, in on a little of our past. When I was in the high school marching band, we performed at all the half-times of the home games. Our boosters had a food booth, and when we were done performing, we would all head over there, where we chowed down discount slices of pizza. About 30 minutes later, I would be struck ill. Rushing to the bathroom, I was sick, again and again and again. I slowly poisoned myself because the pizza was just so good. It took me several years (I'm dumb sometimes...) until I learned that I am lactose intolerant and the pizza's cheese did not get along with innards. After I wizened up, I took a break from pizza, until I started working at the kennel. One night when I was house sitting for the people who lived in the kennel house, I decided to heat up a slice of pizza for a snack. I thought I had put it in the microwave for one minute, but instead put it in for 11 by accident. When I went to get my pizza, smoke was pouring out of the microwave, smoke detectors were blaring and I had to run around opening windows and dog kennels, hoping the dogs didn't get sick from smoke inhalation. That was when I decided to take yet another brake from pizza. Tonight, I decided to try again. On my way home I picked up a cheese pizza from Papa Murphey's, thoroughly excited to bake it and dig in. I preheated the oven to 425, and just as I slid the pizza on the rack, half of the cheese poured off onto the extremely hot oven floor. Needless to say, the cheese melted, and started to burn. Smoke poured out of the oven, smoke detectors started going off and I was left with a spatula trying to scrape the mess off before my entire house was filled with pizza smoke. Finally, it all cooked down and I shut the oven, set the timer and went to watch House. About fifteen minutes in, I decided to check my progress. Apparently, what I didn't know, cheese seared on to the bottom of the stove raises the temperature to 550. I barely caught my pizza before it turned into a charred mess, but after all that, I could hardly enjoy my dinner. Pizza 3 Lucy 0