Public Transportation

I love the bus. I love letting someone else drive me where I need to go, and I especially love not having to drive aimlessly up and down the packed aisles of the parking lot, fruitlessly searching for a spot. That being said, this love of mine is greatly overshadowed by the people on the bus. Yesterday, like all other Wednesdays this year, I got on the bus, headed toward the back, and sat down on one of the front-facing seats. As I sat there waiting for the bus to start off, a girl stood in the doorway discussing the route with the driver. Apparently, the large, scrolling yellow words in the window were too complicated for her to understand, and the map, numbered stops and times of departure and arrival too vague. Anyway. Once she was finally convinced that this was the only bus heading in her direction, she came on, passed by at least 20 other empty seats, and sat down on the sideways facing seat directly behind me. I could almost feel her breath on the back of my neck, and could not put my head back without touching her. Casually, I slumped forward a bit in my chair in order to at least give me some semblance of solitude in my seat. I considered moving over, but the bus was already in motion, and figured it wasn't too big of a deal. As we rode on, after about 15 minutes of sitting in such close proximity, her phone rang. Being so close to her, I couldn't help but overhear "no, I can't. I have Strep Throat." Now wait just one minute. What right does this girl have to spread her diseases to unsuspecting people? There were other perfectly suitable chairs, far away from anyone who could have caught her sickness. There is nothing shameful in sitting in the far back corner, or even wearing one of those paper face masks. In fact, I might take to doing those very things. I might even get a belt holster for antibacterial spray. I can get a shoulder strap like in the old war movies and just pack it full of lysol instead of bullets. There is just something inherently wrong with getting sick from someone you don't know. Getting sick should at least involve something fun like sharing bodily fluids with a friend, then at least you are familiar with the germs you got. Now, after observing those on the bus always sitting alone, I have more weapons in my arsenal. Today, when someone sketchy tries to sit near me, I will drool. Look blankly at them, clutch my imaginary baby to my chest and rock back and forth, pretend to be asleep, talk to someone sitting next to me, when there is nobody there, forget to shower for a month, pack my lunch bag with week old sardines or do any combination of the above.